For those of you who didn't attend last night's Christmas in Hell bonfire, I regret to say you didn't miss anything. Brohems from all over the bay area trekked long and hard to get xmas trees to Ocean Beach. While many of us were able to sneak our trees about town via muni, it wasn't until all had reached the beach that our fiery dream was extinguished by law officials - most likely rent-a-cops.
As brohems began regrouping on the beach, maybe 8 trees deep, an officer snapped at us asking "if we all had time to go to jail." It's not his fault he was such a dick. He probably got beat up in high school, or his girl friend left him for a Rosy Odonnell look alike. Maybe his new penis-pump hadn't arrived in the mail yet, who knows. Apparently burning trees on the beach is against "waste regulations" and there are no exceptions with zero tolerance for offenders. The officer demanded that we haul the trees back to the street where we found them and "get outta here."
While our primary objective seemed to be more or less defeated our pride remained intact. Bystanders had given us some serious props watching us carry all of our trees. Many followed our lead scattering to find trees of there own to set ablaze. Unfortunately, the prospect of a cindering xmas declaration had inspired all too many and we were unable to spread word that a self-righteous enslaving dick-weed was loose about the beach.
As brohems began conceiving plans for other mayhem, all turned toward the beach in time to find a bittersweet spectacle. Neighboring bonfire enthusiasts had snagged one of our trees after we left and taken it upon themselves to initiate the blazing Christmas. "I can't turn away," mourned one Rob Love. Brohems knew the repercussions that awaited our partners in crime, and there was no disguising an upright 6 ft branchy figure engulfed in flames. As two dark figures hustled toward the fire, their flashlights ominous beacons in the darkness, it became too much for witnesses to bear. Few stuck around long enough to watch the officers order the group to their knees and begin their interrogation.
At least we thought of it first.
2 comments:
Haha, that was great! Hey, what the fuck is Kingsley doing on Muni? Why wasn't she at the fucking beach and why wasn't there mention of me dragging a damn big tree with my moped? Man. You kinda missed out Chris, we walked along the beach in blazing moonlight and mild weather, laughing and climbing shit, boozing a bit, and peeing everywhere. Despite the man and her wiles I hope others had as good a time as I.
You carried one on your moped?! That would've been a sight to see. Kings left as soon as we were told off. I spent the rest of the night recooping, I'll make it up to you
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